Quiet

I don’t know when I’ll ever finish writing this because (1) I’m a procrastinator. (2) I’m slow. (3) I have a messy brain. So many things are always jumbled up. One moment I think , “Val, it will be a great idea to write.” The next I’m like, “Bleh, I’m not feeling this story. It doesn’t quite have life.” So I kill it, though it’s already dead.. Then wait for the day I’ll feel it calling me to completion. It’s resurrection day. Which can take weeks. Because writing is something I do when I have nothing else to do. And that is the saddest thing ever. I love reading. So I just imagine if all the writers just decided to write when they have nothing better to do. I’d be pissed off. I’ll send them dozens of emails daily. Cussing them out for not delivering. For not satisfying my literary craving. I’d send them letters that will be mailed together with their water bills (why do they still mail these, or is it in our house alone?). I know they’ll open the letter out of curiosity. And they will read the letter with creases in their foreheads. I’ll make sure the letter runs deep. If it’s to Biko, it has to target his forehead. That will get his blood boiling. And he will write about me. And I’ll be happy to read again. Because reading is that water you get after running some marathon. Or for those of us who went to kawaida schools, glucose after finishing first, second or third after a race.

I’d already chosen the title of this post, before I even wrote it. Before I even knew what I was going to write. Is it normal? This is like one of those relationship questions people torture Chris Hart with. “Is it normal that my wife just sits on the couch and sneers at me with such disgust everytime she goes through my phone?” I think being a relationship expert is one of the most interesting jobs on earth. But today, I refrain from the relationship topic. There’s more to my life than that. I promise. And I will show you. “But do I need to?” Haha.

When I started writing this, it was 1:40 am in the morning. That prompted my title. That’s a time when the world is in a state of tranquil. Unless of course you live near a club. It’s a good time to think about your 20s. And what you think should be it’s greatest highlight. It’s a good time to strategize. To think about that business proposal laying idly on your desk. It’s a good time to make peace with the demons from your past. It’s a good time to cry. Because no one is watching you. You won’t be judged for it. It’s a good time to reminisce over lost lovers and friends and how much better you are, that they are no longer part of your life. It’s a good time to think about the departed souls and all the lessons you learnt from them while they were still alive. It’s the perfect time to think about that sermon in church that seemed to be specifically designed for your ears. It could probably make much more sense when the world is at such ease and peace. It’s the right time to think about that difficult unit in school, and how to get through it. It’s a beautiful time to think about the children somewhere sleeping hungry and out in the cold, and just how lucky you are, that you can afford to be sitting quietly thinking about them, because God doesn’t love them any less.

It’s an interesting time to think of the various adventures you’ve undertaken and what they meant to you. It’s a good time to think about your family back in shags that you rarely spend time with, because shags is far but a flight to Paris once in a while is fun. It’s a good time to play all your beautiful childhood memories. Because back then is when you hadn’t known evil, and hence hadn’t done any evil. It’s a good time to think of that movie that was just full of lessons on top of lessons because most times the movies are just there to entertain. Rarely do they speak to the deepest part of your soul.. 2 am is the time to think about your biggest fear and tell it that it is no longer going to be a limitation.

It’s even a good time to think about that day you were given an old note yet you gave the conductor a brand new one. You muttered under your breath since you are a good citizen and timid too,mostly. It’s an even better time to think about the smokie pasua that fell down from your hand because you were bembelezaring it not to end. It’s a good time to think of how crazy it was to walk in town in heels on a rainy day. Because well, Nairobi rains love giving everyone surprises. It’s even a good time to think about whether I was thinking about all these things that I’ve told you are good to think about.

So the next time you see my status update at 3 am, it’s all a product of deep thought. For me, it’s the best time to think and write. Because I didn’t procrastinate about this story.